January 2007

Here comes ... the Bridesmaid!

Questions, answers and advice about your wedding party.

By Loukia Borrell

A bride typically—and wisely—puts a lot of thought into whom she will chose as her attendants. Bridesmaids are an essential part of every wedding and prepare the guests for the ceremony that is about to begin. Here, Amy Elliott, senior editor for Brides Washington magazine, answers some questions about the tradition of standing up for a close friend or family member.

How does a bride decide whom her maid/matron of honor will be? Her attendants?

The bride should simply choose the woman she’ s closest to. It doesn’ t always have to be a family member. A girl also can choose her mother to play this role, and you also can have a “ man of honor.” Then again, she needn’ t always make a choice based on her emotional relationship with a potential maid of honor. She might choose the person in her group who has the best leadership skills, is the most dependable, is closest in terms of proximity, etc. You also can have more than one maid of honor. As far as attendants, the same rule applies. Choose the girls closest to you. For some brides, this might mean her sister and her cousin; others may opt to include as many as 12 girls, a mix of friends and family members.

What are the responsibilities of these people? For example, do maids of honor have special duties or customary things that they have to do? Do the bridesmaids?

Being a bridesmaid really comes down to a mix of financial responsibilities and time commitments. The most important aspects of her role involve paying for her bridesmaid dress and accessories, as well as lodging and transportation. She must also contribute to the cost of the bridal shower and bachelorette party. The maid of honor is in charge of the bridal party, delegating tasks, relaying important information and getting the girls organized. She plans and sometimes hosts the bridal shower. She also traditionally signs the marriage license as the bride’ s witness, holds the bride’ s bouquet during the ceremony, holds the groom’ s band during the ceremony (if the best man is not holding both), arranges the bride’ s train at the altar, bustles it for the reception, and sometimes makes a toast at the reception.

What is a junior attendant?

A child between the ages of 9 and 13—too old to be a flower girl or ring bearer, too young to be a full-fledged bridesmaid or groomsman.

What dress style and colors are appropriate for the attendants and maid of honor?

A-line, A-line, A-line. V-necks flatter every figure. Empire waists also are universally kind to most figures. Chiffon is a very easy-to-wear fabric because it cascades over the body in a very flattering way; it doesn’ t hug you where you don’ t want to be hugged. The maid/matron of honor can wear a different color dress but doesn’ t have to. Colors include teal—it’ s back but in a nice, dark, subtle shade, not the garish hue everyone remembers from the 1980s; coral; a not-quite-navy shade of blue, something like cobalt or indigo; and brown and red also are big, as are ribbon sashes in contrasting colors.

Bridesmaid Budgeting
Tips for doing your part while saving costs.

Being a bridesmaid is fun—but it isn’ t free! Isha Foss, a wedding planner based in Chesapeake, says a local or in-state bridesmaid is likely to spend more than $500 on the dress, shoes, accessories, hair, makeup, parties and gifts. If she is from out of state and has to buy airline tickets, the cost will be significantly higher. Hampton Roads Bride searched www.brides.com and also asked a few local stylists, consultants and apparel vendors how bridesmaids can cut costs. Here are their suggestions:

• If the bride is strict about where you buy your apparel and wants you to buy a “ true” bridesmaid dress, look for bridal stores that will alter the dress for free. Alterations can be expensive, especially when the dress needs a lot of work. Also, find out whether the bridal salon offers discounts if a certain number of bridesmaids buy dresses there. For example, if five or more bridesmaids purchase a gown at the same place, the store may take 10 to 20 percent off each dress.

• If your dress is being ordered, have your measurements taken by a professional. It will save money and time.

• If the bride is flexible about your dress, check off-price retailers like Stein Mart and T.J. Maxx. Also look for sales in the “ special occasion” area of large department stores like Nordstrom, Macy*s and Dillard’ s. A black dress is a good choice because it can be worn again, year-round. Other suggestions include searching for past season or discontinued garments that are on sale. If you have extra time, visit consignment shops and thrift stores. It takes longer to search those types of places, but you may find a nice surprise. Finally, consider borrowing a dress. Most of us have a friend with a great wardrobe. There might be a gorgeous dress waiting for you, free of charge.

• Bridesmaids don’ t all have to wear the same style shoe, dyed the same color. If everyone wears something that goes with the dress, the shoe is more likely to be worn again. Check stores like Payless ShoeSource, Shoe Carnival, Target, Stein Mart and T.J. Maxx.

• Another way to cut corners is to wear inexpensive accessories. In addition to the stores already mentioned, Claire’ s and Forever 21 are good picks for jewelry and handbags.

• For your makeup, if you don’ t think you can do it yourself, ask another bridesmaid who might be a wiz with mascara and eyeliner. A makeup artist in a major department store is another option, but always make an appointment. Do it early if the wedding is in April or May, when you might be competing for appointments with girls going to prom. The makeup artist will do your makeup, give you color and application tips, and you can purchase something affordable from her, such as lip color to touch up during the reception.

• Consider having a student at a local beauty school do your hair. We searched the website for The National Accrediting Commission of Cosmetology Arts and Sciences (NACCAS) and found a number of area beauty schools that are accredited or working toward accreditation. To find out if one near you takes appointments or walk-ins, go to www.naccas.org and click on “ Accredited Schools” on the left side of the computer screen. After that, go to Option 2 and type in “ Virginia.” A short list of schools in Hampton Roads will be displayed along with their contact information.

• If you have to travel, do it by car if it can be done in a reasonable amount of time. You will save money on airline tickets. If you must fly, check www.cheaptickets.com, www.orbitz.com or www.travelocity.com for bargains on tickets.

• If the bridal party is lodging somewhere expensive, see if you can bunk with another bridesmaid and split the cost of the room. Or, book a room somewhere convenient but less expensive. If there is a hotel shuttle, use it to save cab fare, or catch a ride with other guests when possible. If you have friends or relatives in town, see if they will host you during your stay.