Hampton Roads Magazine: I Do! (With Help)

January 2007

I Do! (With Help)

Frazzled? It may be time to find a wedding planner to take care of the chaos.

By Loukia Borrell

Getting married is easier said than done. Even if you aren’ t throwing the biggest bash Hampton Roads has ever seen, you may go from feeling like a blushing bride-to-be to a beleaguered one faster than you can say “ I do.” If that’ s the case, it’ s time to give serious consideration to hiring a wedding planner.

Couples hire a bridal planner for two main reasons: to save time and money. A wedding planner can handle every aspect of the wedding, from big duties to small details, leaving the couple with less stress and more time for their jobs, families and each other during the engagement. Also, bridal consultants are connected to other people in the industry and can give a couple an inside track on the best deals.

Bridal consultants can come on board as soon as a couple gets engaged, or they can be hired for the month or day of the wedding when there is more of a crunch. When Sara Rafal wed last year, Reva Stein was there practically from the minute Rafal became engaged. Stein, a Virginia Beach-based bridal consultant, saved Rafal precious time and a lot of stress by helping coordinate the celebration. “ We pretty much relied on her to pick out vendors for us,” Rafal says. “ We trusted her completely.”

The small ceremony was held at Beth-El Temple in Norfolk, followed by a reception for 200 guests at the Town Point Club. “ You don’ t have to sit down and interview people—go through the phone book, or call 20 people to get their prices, and figure out which one is going to be best,” Rafal says.

Rafal says she and her husband, Adam, work long hours and needed help with preparations. “ The amount of time we would take out of our day to deal with our wedding is money,” she says.

A wedding planner can assist a couple with the reception site, gown and tuxedo fittings, invitations, seating charts, transportation, lodging and vendor contracts—an important point if you are inexperienced with fine print. They also handle family members who don’ t get along and keep you from getting sidetracked. Planners also clue you in on things you might not think about, like formulating a rain plan if you are having an outdoor wedding, how to greet people in a receiving line, matters of etiquette, and moving the reception along so you don’ t run out of time. In other words, they do the labor and you enjoy the feast.

LaBrina Banks hired Isha Foss, who runs Isha Foss Events LLC in Chesapeake, to coordinate her June 2006 wedding. Banks says Foss had a hand in everything about the wedding, from helping choose the wedding gown and decorating the reception site to handling vendors. “ She got me down the aisle,” says Banks. “ She stayed professional, but she got personal. She knew it was a very important day to me.”

The chemistry between a couple and a consultant is important. Everyone—the bride and groom and the consultant—needs to be on the same wavelength so the planning goes smoothly. The alternative is having close friends or family members help with the details, but that will cut into their time to enjoy the festivities.

“ You don’ t want to have a member of the family or a close friend worrying about the nuts and bolts of the day,” says Stein, who plans about 25 weddings a year. Stein charges a flat fee of $495 and an additional $25 an hour. Those are standing fees, whether she is hired to work with a couple from the engagement or just the day of the wedding. She says those fees include, but are not limited to, phone calls to her, references for vendors, meetings, organizing the ceremony and reception, gown fittings, picking up tuxedoes, locating babysitters, making hair appointments, and tracking down folks who have not responded to the wedding invitation. On the day of the wedding, Stein keeps everything moving along smoothly, handles last-minute glitches, and carries the bride’ s “ survival kit.” It includes things like Tylenol, mints, needle and thread, feminine products and spot removers. Most importantly, Stein, like other coordinators, acts as a diplomat when family members are not in harmony. “ In most families, there are a lot of dynamics ... sometimes it gets very, very sticky,” she says.

Wedding coordinators have been around for as long as wealthy families have had personal staffs, says David Wood, president of the Association of Bridal Consultants in New Milford, Conn. “ They were just called servants and butlers back then,” he says.

Since the 1970s, when more mothers started entering the workforce, families of all financial means have been able to access specialists, he says. Today, more families have access to them, as most consultants work with a family’ s budget and can offer payment plans. “ Weddings are such an important, emotional event in people’ s lives, this spending level does not seem to be impacted by a strong or weak economy,” he says.

Wood says the Association of Bridal Consultants includes between 2,500 and 3,000 bridal consultants, with other association members who are musicians, florists, invitation specialists and other wedding professionals. Having a professional bridal consultant is no different from a person hiring a personal shopper or a personal trainer or someone else who offers a special service, he says. “ We have moved into a world of specialization. If you are stepping onto an airplane, you want a pilot who is a trained professional. [It is the] same concept in wedding planning,” Wood says. “ A wedding is so important—it should not be a ‘ learning experience’ for the bride.”

The result is big money. Weddings currently generate more than $120 billion in spending each year for the U.S. economy, according to the bridal association. And Conde Nast Bridal Group reports that wedding spending has nearly doubled in the last 15 years. The cost of a wedding has jumped from more than $15,000 to nearly $28,000 since 1990.

Foss says the celebrity factor also plays a role in the new extravagances. “ With our celebrity fascination, we are seeing all the things they are doing for their events, and people want to emulate them. Anything you see on television or the internet is acceptable now,” says Foss, who coordinates about 40 weddings annually. Foss, a wedding planner for five years, charges a flat rate of $850 for short-term jobs, such as the day or month of a wedding, and offers packages for long-term services. Fees for those can run between $1,500 and $2,700, depending on what she is asked to do. She requests a 25 percent deposit and offers payment plans.

Foss says older brides in their 40s and 50s have high expectations, established careers and can afford to hire a planner for longer periods. Younger brides, such as those in their 20s or those just establishing their lives, tend to hire her for shorter periods. Whatever type of wedding, Foss says that there is one thing a good bridal consultant will never do: “ We are not going to take over the wedding.”

Big Plans
Tips to help you find a wedding coordinator.

If you want to search online for wedding consultants, go to Google, Yahoo or Ask.com and type in “ Hampton Roads wedding coordinators” or “ Virginia wedding coordinators.” A list of results will appear, and from there you can choose the ones you want to talk to and eventually decide whom you will hire.

You also can go to the website for the Association of Bridal Consultants at www.bridalassn.com and fill in the online form to receive a list of bridal consultants in this area. Other specific sites to check out include www.theknot.com, www.bride.com, www.brides.com and www.weddingchannel.com. Once you get to the website you want, look for the words “ local resources,” “ local vendors” or “ in your area” to find local consultants. Hampton Roads Bride also contains a resource guide beginning on page 81 that lists contact information for local consultants.

Local bridal fashion shows are also good places to meet wedding planners and other bridal industry experts. These typically take place in the beginning of the year and in late summer; Hampton Roads Bride will be holding a show at Founder’ s Inn in Virginia Beach on Jan. 7 and at the Marriott at City Center in Newport News on March 11.

The Wedding Consultant
13 questions to ask.

From The Knot

Strongly consider handing the planning baton to a wedding consultant if a) Neither you nor your families have time to plan your wedding; b) Neither you nor your families have any desire to plan your wedding; c) You’ re planning a wedding out of town; or d) You simply prefer—and can afford—professional help. They’ ll do the legwork, hire vendors, negotiate contracts and may even cut you some money-saving deals. Expect to pay them 10 to 15 percent of your total wedding budget. Need a referral? Call the Association of Bridal Consultants at 860-355-0464. Here are key questions to ask:

1. Will the consultant commit to your budget and not push you in the direction of things you simply can’ t afford?

2. Will the consultant devise a master plan mapping out all the little details, from announcement to zebra-striped decor? (This will clue you in to organizational prowess and a willingness to keep you in the loop on every matter imaginable.)

3. Can the consultant name the best and most original locations in your area (that would be suitable to your wedding size, style and budget)?

4. Is the consultant familiar with the best florists, photographers, caterers, bands and DJs in your price range? Can he/she explain any strong points to you briefly? (Ask yourself: Does the consultant seem both knowledgeable and passionate?)

5. Can the consultant score you some discounts with any vendors? (Consultants bring volume to favored vendors; often, they’ ll reciprocate by slashing prices or throwing in extras.)

6. Will the consultant read through the vendor contracts for you? What are some common traps to look out for?

7. Can the consultant create a timeline that tells everyone involved in the planning process—vendors, members of the wedding party, bride/groom and families—what to do and when to do it? How will she/he make sure that everyone sticks to the schedule?

8. Will the consultant handle the invitations, from wording and ordering to the addressing and mailing?

9. Can the consultant counsel you on etiquette matters and alert you to hot trends on the wedding horizon?

10. Will the consultant coordinate delivery, arrival and setup times with the photographer, florist, musicians, caterer/banquet manager, etc.?

11. For the day of the wedding, will the consultant be willing to oversee the entire event by supervising vendors, troubleshooting emergencies and soothing nerves? Can she/he share any anecdotes that required performing above and beyond the call of duty?

12. Will the consultant be willing to step in as your advocate, conveying your visions and desires to vendors when you don’ t feel up to the task?

13. Will the consultant help plan and book your honeymoon?